Contrary to popular belief, some people have had enough of silly love songs. Especially ones that are so overwrought, inept, or narcissistic that they actually do the opposite of their intent: they creep you out. In Touch Me, I'm Sick, Tom Reynolds, the author of the best-selling book on depressing songs, I Hate Myself and Want to Die, analyses 52 love songs that for various reasons have gone off the rails into the realm of the tawdry (Paul Anka's 'You're Having My Baby'), the maudlin (Pearl Jam's 'Black') the obsessive (Eminem's 'Stan'), the self-involved (Kevin Federline's 'To Know Him Is To Love Him') and the stupendously weird (Michael Jackson's 'Ben'). Organising his list into ten different categories, the author examines songs from the 50s to the present day, sung by artists as diverse as James Blunt, Melissa Etheridge, Sinead O'Connor, The Spice Girls and The Police. Complete with a ranked 'Countdown of Creepiness' and sinister black and white line art throughout, Touch Me, I'm Sick is a must-have compilation of rhythmic wretchedness — and the perfect Christmas gift for the music lover on your list.